dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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