Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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