Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
