I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
