I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
