my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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