i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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