it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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