k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
