Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
