I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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