Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
