Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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