Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
