i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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