nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to calm my uterus...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
