I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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