When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
