MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
