How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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