I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
