Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The air taste purple.
Randomize
