i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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