Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
