i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
