I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
