I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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