4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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