Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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