i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
