I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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