My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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