somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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