i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
