A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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