Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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