if you like me you must not know who I am
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When are your genitals available?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
