Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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