I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
