My first STD was from a foam party
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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