Jerry, you need to find god
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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