happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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