check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
