Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
