My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
