Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
