Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
