I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
