he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
