I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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