All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
