carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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