hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
