No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Duck Duck Cougar?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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