I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
