My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
