I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
