Walk of Shame. In a state park.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
