Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
