How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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