Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
