I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
