I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
