hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
