i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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