and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
