I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When are your genitals available?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
