The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
