I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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