Got a toothbrush?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
